I: Pride
by Shimegami-chan
Summary: [I] A lost girl is faced with a choice of love or images, and makes a choice that may cost her her friends.


Digimon's not mine. I've built the bridge.  
  
*bursts into tears*   
  
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Duo: And _then,_ instead of writing the Takari or the Osamu or the Kenkeru or [Switch][1] (Heh! Cleverly disguised shameless plug!) or Sandglass or the Wormmon fic, she runs off and writes ANOTHER mind-bender!  
Seki: And with a public Biology exam tomorrow... *shakes head in shame*  
Shi-chan: Another fic in the Insanity series. I need to actually stick a collective name on these...here's Miayko's. ^_^ Also, this is my 70th fic on ff.net...no life, hey?  
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Pride  
By Shimegami-chan  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: AU. This is a follow-up to [Insanity][2], [Clarity,][3] and [Grief,][4] but you don't need to read them first. However, if you like this story and you _want_ to go back and read them, I'm not stoppping you...   
  
_**Important Note!**_  
  
_Yep, yep..._   
  
Meet my shameless plugs.  
  
['In Your Shoes,'][5] Kenyako, chapter 5 updated on June 11--**today!**.  
['Sadness-Colored Sandglass,'][6] Kensuke, chapter 12 updated on May 26.   
  
Thanks minna-san! On with the fic!   
  
  
  
  
  
I am the bringer of Love.   
  
Or so he said.   
  
  
I am a child trapped in a woman's body.   
  
I am a bird trapped in a cage.   
  
I am starving girl without without shelter from her own conscience.   
  
  
  
I was in love with him, and I abandoned him in his darkest hour. What kind of a friend is that? He told me he loved me, and I never told a soul. Not Iori. Not Hikari. How could I admit to them that I had fallen in love with him? He wasn't the same person he'd been. Not when he was the Digimon Kaiser. Not when he was the bearer of the Crest of Kindness.   
  
He was different.   
  
They saw that, and I saw that. How could I not? He went through amazing changes. It was an accident, and it wasn't his fault, no, never his fault. He never saw the car coming. The whole world offered their sympathy while he was in the coma; what a shame, both beautiful children gone, young geniuses. His parents were torn by grief. I pitied them, and him, and his friends.   
  
But most of all, I pitied me.   
  
Poor little lost girl. Fell in love with an icon, the famous Ichijouji Ken! No one knew what kind of pain I was going through, not even Hikari. No one knew that the great boy genius had told an insignificant little violet-haired girl that he loved her. And then left.   
  
No one knew what I went through, those days that he was in the coma.   
  
I guess I was too proud. Selfish of me to think that I didn't tell Hikari about me and Ken because I was afraid he'd die, and she'd feel sorry for me.   
  
I _wanted_ them to pity me. I _wanted _them to feel my pain.   
  
But I didn't. Sadistic little Miyako, that's me. Never knew I had it in me? Not many people do. I was releived when he lived through it. Not only did I not lose the guy I loved, I was free to tell my friends without any worries. They'd think I was so strong, so devoted, sitting at his bedside until he recovered enough to talk.   
  
But when he did, everything went wrong.   
  
He had changed. For the worse.   
  
The doctors said there was no brain damage. _Nothing_ was wrong with him. But he...rambled. Told the doctors fantastic stories, some of the digital world, some of the Kaiser. He told them that _he_ was the Kaiser, and he wouldn't let anyone call him Ken anymore.   
  
The other Chosen thought he was amnesiac.   
  
The doctors thought he was insane.   
  
He would have these moments where he'd beg me to help him, that this entity living inside him--Cruelty, the thing was called--was going to destroy him, take over his life, kill everyone. He beleived that the Kaiser was living within him and taking over his personality.   
  
I stopped going to the asylum a little while after he was brought there. It made me sad to see him, and I was afraid he'd say something about our fledgeling relationship in front of Daisuke.   
  
Daisuke kept going, at least until Takeru got sick. Cancer, they said it was. I visited him, mostly to keep up appearances, and to give me an excuse not to visit Ken. It worked for a while.   
  
Then Takeru died.   
  
I cried at the funeral. Everyone did, I think, even Ken. Maybe not Yamato, trying not to comfort his parents and Hikari and Taichi at the same time. I felt sorry for him. He was taking all the weight of the family.   
  
Kind of like what you did, Ken.   
  
I always loved you. I just can't admit it now--you're an embarassment to me now. I'm moving on with my life: I can't handle your madness. I'm sorry you had to go through it alone. I don't want you dead, really. But you're too much trouble for me right now.   
  
I just can't love you anymore.   
  
See you, Ken.   
  
It's been fun.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Shi-chan: My my, Miya-chan's got an evil streak...it wasn't supposed to be _indifference!_ It was supposed to be _fluff!_

   [1]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&StoryID=127485&Chapter=8
   [2]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=285678
   [3]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=307342
   [4]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=307473
   [5]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&StoryID=278819&Chapter=4
   [6]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&StoryID=229476&Chapter=12



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